You ever hear the story of a young boy raised by his dad. That young boy struggles with so much but has everything. The boy goes through his trials with one person to judge him, one person to care for him, one person to see him each and every day. Every time he hits the ground, hits a ball, fails a test, graduates high school, stays out to late, wrecks his first vehicle, graduates college, there is just one person there. The story goes on to show growth but also weakness. the boy struggles with accepting love, struggles with self confidence, gives out too much more than what he receives, but most importantly he struggles with his identity, and knowing where to go and who to be. He gains momentum at certain times, but takes many steps back on his own mistakes. The young boy grows up to be someone people can count on, but not so much on himself. He’s prepared but for some reason, missed out on the fact that one love is enough, realizing that he doesn’t have to chase love from other people because of the lack there of according to everyone else around him. That realization comes later, much later in the man’s life. One thing remains through out all of these challenges of the boy growing into the man, his father is always there. That story of that young boy, if you’ve heard it, is true; It’s my story.
I have never gone a single day in my life not knowing the love my father has for me. I can honestly say my father and I haven’t been further than a hour drive in 30 years except for maybe a total of 10 months. My father I could go on and on about. He is the one that gave me all the positives that I claim to have, and also all my negatives. But he did show me one thing that I didn’t even realize would be important until just recently. He showed me the proper way to be a father. I’m 31 now, and just 4 years ago, I had no idea how to change a diaper, and didn’t care much for kids, never honestly even talked about having any. I was on the grind, always working and into so many other things, I never slowed down to be honest. Kids were the furthest thing from my mind. My father always told me to wait, until I knew it was time. Who in the hell does that, I mean I tried. I remember the day I found out I was going to be a dad, I was amazed at the fact. I was so unprepared but unwilling to turn a shoulder to it. I went straight to my dad and told him the news, I thought he would be disappointed, but as always he surprised me. He asked me “are you ready?” I quickly replied “Yes”. That was it, I was in good hands. The minute Alexa was born I fell in love. She quite honestly is the best feeling I had up to that time in my life. I watched her as she was fresh into this world, cry for someone, and I told her something special that I would never leave her side. I remember my dad holding her for the first time, it was just amazing.
Of course, times change, people change, and so often become difficult. My daughter was separated from me before she was 10 months. Her mother decided to move back closer to her parents in Atlanta. Although for a short time I found a way to be closer myself and move to Atlanta which was one of the toughest things ever for me. I automatically felt I lost my opportunity to be a father. But I made it through. I gave full effort and moved closer and found out that the move itself wasn’t for me. I felt unhappy out there, and for the first time in my life, backed out of a situation that made me unhappy at the core. So I moved back home knowing that I would be further away from my daughter, during her most important years of needing both parents. I was lost, and still to this day struggle with so many different emotions that stem from not having my mother in my life the way I should have and now being far away from my first born. The worst part of it was I knew that it just didn’t impact me but my dad and Alexa as well. It was just a mess, to keep it simple for the reader. If you’ve made it this far I appreciate you, you actually care. You see real fathers have a knack to make sure they make an impact no matter where their kids are, and I have done just that.
It wasn’t long after my move back from Atlanta that I started dating my wife. We had known each other for years talking on and off here and there. It was a connection we both needed, and amazing to say the least. I remember telling my dad after a month of talking to her, she was the one. Call it what you want. But I knew, and I made it happen. My wife has two amazing daughters, she holds close. I knew from the jump that my wife comes with two critical persons, Kendrix and Kyndall. To be honest, we met just at the right time. I had just enough heart to stomach changing diapers now, and realizing the needs of girls. So I fit right in to the mix of things quickly. My love for my daughters grew exponentially over a couple months, there wasn’t a day I didn’t think about them.
I clearly remember crying at the fact our youngest would come up to me and hug me and called me daddy for the first time, because I missed Alexa doing the same, complete mind F*ck to be honest. But my wife was always there to understand and hold me and tell me everything would be ok. I have had nothing but love from my now immediate family. Although my father only had me, and I never truly had to have any step kids in my life, he couldn’t prepare me for the tussle of emotions i would go though in the path of fatherhood I took. But you know, I didn’t choose this because I thought it would be easy, or not make me sad, I chose it because I love my girls, and I wanted to cherish that, and also give them someone they can count on. I feel every child deserves a dad, I know I would not be here writing this If I didn’t have mine. So I consider myself lucky in knowing that I have such a great father, I just hope all three of my girls feel just as lucky one day to have me in their lives, because I never plan on going anywhere. Not saying they aren’t a little evil every now and then haha.
We found out this year, that our plan to have a boy came true. I think we would have gave up everything If we had another girl (just playing, but not really). He is supposed to be here in September. We decided to name him after me, a Jr. What a time, and his due date is the day after my dads birthday, so maybe just maybe we can fix that up for pops. I’m excited, although its a tough time in my life. I’m also excited for all the girls to have a brother, and my father to be a grandpa again. I hope that I do a good job, I hope that I have prepared myself enough emotionally to handle everything. But if not, I have the support of a very loving wife and children, and Father. Although I don’t always make the wisest choices, my family can always count on me.
I share all this to say Happy Father’s Day. No matter your story as a dad, your story counts. We often forget about dads in the mix of things in today’s society because we lack talking much about how dad’s got to be where they are at today. I know many great dad’s including mine, I also know many great dad’s because of great mothers. All I want is for my children to be better than me, at everything I try to teach them. As a father you can only hope you are doing whats best. My father once asked me “do you think I did a good job?”... I remember thinking he was crazy for asking me that. But I get it now, life has a funny way of humbling you as a parent. Especially in the hardest situations, like a single parent such as my dad, or similar things as discussed above. But you fight through to watch your kids grow, and hope that one day they will turn to you and answer that question to tell you “you’ve done a wonderful job dad, I love you”...
