So maybe it's time, maybe it's not, but if so Here i go, and if not here i don't! For starters, I'm a believer that the time here on earth is so precious. Its like having a photograph of some one who has passed or that is lost to you, in which when you look at the picture they feel as if they are still with you! Its the simple things in life that seem to always fade the quickest, always seeming to fall through the cracks in which our society has created! It's all the bad things that make you look pass the good things, the pure things in which life has created, what we have created has disturbed this process on how we think about each other, and how we perceive our everyday existence. Im not a firm religious believer, in a single God or maker of the universe * IM ABOUT TO LOOSE 99% of readers right here*, but im a believer that we must rely on ourselves as a whole, to conquer the everyday struggles that we have created, the things that we have in this dirty world. I know for a fact that, our socialization, allows us as people to be the way we are, the mindless, thinkers we are, the useless people to the future we are, the ones that will never change anything? I also know for a fact that only a small percentage will ever make it past the age of 45, because of many reasons in which we can't explain... I know for a fact that, some people do not live for the answer of one's self, but to only answer to others, and be mental slaves in the society we have created.. You see i believe that we are to blame for the world and all it's problems at the end of the day! The world is twisted, and sometimes unbelievable, Unexpected, and indeed cold heart'd!!!!------> Does this sound familiar???
Does this strike your mind to be odd, or to be different? If so leave the note... I mean it's only purposeful for one to think to leave this note, because most things aren't put in this type of dialogue! This is not the stuff you hear everyday, as for taking steps out side of the social logical limitation, that we still have in our country and in deed the world, is something that is RARELY attempted, by such a smart curious human race in which we claim to be!
Have you ever wondered where you would be without these limitations? What you would believe? What you would be doing right now?
These are the questions that must be answered after your younger years, and instilled in your mind for your adulthood, this can be from parents, peers, or who ever else you came in contact with... During this young childhood socialization people learn to believe what is right, being that they have to make their mind up believing that it's the only right way to go about things!!!
Have you ever wanted to step out of the limitations? Maybe? PROBABLY not? Scared of rejection from the family? Or Friends? Or Your religious savior?
After answering these questions-----> Who would you be if you did all these things, and possibly thought for yourself and what you believed was right 100%. I honestly believe that this limitation is tearing our world apart... This misunderstanding that we are all thinking for ourselves...
I had the opportunity to realize this at an early age and it struck my mind that maybe i should share it to some of my peers..... To the ones that I love and care about! To the ones that need to hear it, and possibly even the ones that don't need to hear it!
To get to the point, I believe that our world is conglomerate of many different beliefs! ( LIKE WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT) YES YES YES! Every one understands the concept, but do they understand the reasoning, and the pureness of the human race. Again this is caused by the sociological interpretation that this is right and this is wrong? People have no idea what is what, until experienced! Try new things, understand others for who they are, and what they think, for what they understand life to be, and what their missions are in life, for what they are ready to give up everything for! You see the picture?
Do you see the picture of ourselves in everyone else? Do you understand that when the world was created or some how shitted out of an old ass star, or created by some bearded man, or a fat bald man, it was created with the intention to be something that changes over time? That doesn't stay the same? That brings upon new life, and new people which then bring upon new things and beliefs *INCLUDING NEW WAYS OF LIFE*, and then in all a new earth over and over again!
We are all the same on this earth, we are all the same creature, we are all the same people, if one kills it's because they learned it, if one sings it's because they learned it, if one reads, it's because they learned it, they learned that it was the right thing to do, they learned that it was the wrong thing to do..... Which is what our world evolves around.... It is this simple concept of understanding why we believe these things are wrong or right that of course split our world into several parts... Parts that we label and misunderstand, because we don't want anyone to deal with them, we believe by fighting them off we can get away from it in the future...
There is no escape from the misunderstanding of the world, but one concept that one must grasp is to learn from one another and to develop your own reasoning, LISTEN and IGNORE THE MEDIA, IGNORE BUT LISTEN to THE PERSON WHO WRITES YOU OFF, BE YOURSELF! (BUT UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER).... As if you were born again, and were fresh, never socialized in this dirty world, be yourself for once and understand that the world will not change until people change! So is it time? Maybe it's not? But if So here i GO, If not Here i don't!!!!!
----> Surviving the times<----
*BE ONES SELF*
DEDICATED TO MY FAMZ! CAH, TH, ST, JK, KK,KHP,ZB,NB,BB,AK,BC,CW,BW,JH,AH.TC, MDK for the ONE who cares most!
Signing out...
MAK*
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Misconceptions
Imagine facing something you have wanted for so long.... Imagine all that you have dreamed about being right in front of you, for you to grasp on. Imagine it calling your name, just daring you to chase it. Doesnt this sound like a regular wish, that then turns into a dream, that most of us never reach, but instead we filter the mind with excuses and misconceptions to explain why it never happened? You see i have experieced something of this type in a frequent manner, which in turn made me get use to the feeling.... Most importantly it is not that the dreams were never reached, but the question arose did i do everything to put my self in the position to conquer at least part of the dream.
This question is probably with me everyday of my life, which gives me the drive that I have, the power to control most of my dreams gets tricky though. Because i recently had an incident where i did actually reach the dream..... I know I know you probably thinking what the hell is the problem then!!!
Check this though!
--- What if you reached the dream, and you were right there, and then you figured out that the dream was actually something that should have never been a dream! Like the dream tells you that it doesn't want you to conquer all you can to get to the top of the dream it's self.
Yea this has actually happen to me, trying to find a way to deal with this situation is hard though... LIke what if it's just temporary and it actually does come through to be true, or what if i just mislead my self, or the dream mislead me! Interesting huh!
Imagine it like this, you have wanted something for a veryyy long time, and you finally get what you wanted, but you just dont get to grasp it for as long as you wanted, and it's taken away from you... Exactly.... Crazy aint it!!!
We all go through this in small ways all the time, but when it's at this magnitude it;s a crazy ass feeling, one that can make you wonder, if dreaming is worth while all the time we spend imagining what could be!
I still will continue to dream, and love the way the mind can make you think that anything is possible...
Because truely that feeling of imagination is one of the greatest powers of emotion humans have...
and nothing is worth giving that up for!!!
Just wish maybe this one will come through for me in the long run!!!!!
-MAK 09'
This question is probably with me everyday of my life, which gives me the drive that I have, the power to control most of my dreams gets tricky though. Because i recently had an incident where i did actually reach the dream..... I know I know you probably thinking what the hell is the problem then!!!
Check this though!
--- What if you reached the dream, and you were right there, and then you figured out that the dream was actually something that should have never been a dream! Like the dream tells you that it doesn't want you to conquer all you can to get to the top of the dream it's self.
Yea this has actually happen to me, trying to find a way to deal with this situation is hard though... LIke what if it's just temporary and it actually does come through to be true, or what if i just mislead my self, or the dream mislead me! Interesting huh!
Imagine it like this, you have wanted something for a veryyy long time, and you finally get what you wanted, but you just dont get to grasp it for as long as you wanted, and it's taken away from you... Exactly.... Crazy aint it!!!
We all go through this in small ways all the time, but when it's at this magnitude it;s a crazy ass feeling, one that can make you wonder, if dreaming is worth while all the time we spend imagining what could be!
I still will continue to dream, and love the way the mind can make you think that anything is possible...
Because truely that feeling of imagination is one of the greatest powers of emotion humans have...
and nothing is worth giving that up for!!!
Just wish maybe this one will come through for me in the long run!!!!!
-MAK 09'
Monday, December 20, 2010
"DONT ASK, DONT TELL" (REPEALING THE ONLY SILENT LAW IN U.S. HISTORY )
WHERE CAN I BEGIN...
I guess i can say I have bitter thoughts on this law, this way of life, the opposition in this law, the overall communication, and way of life this law created through the years of it's existence.
Let me begin by giving you a brief overview on this law..
Since the Truman era, and the discovery of homosexuals in the military, the United States Military began imposing the Universal Military Uniform Code of Justice, which gave way to imposing quick and direct dismissals to all homosexuals in the forces they were representing. No matter the training, position, or experience... THEY WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR FREEDOM.
Through the years, Gay activism became main stream, and became something that was ever growing... The presidential eras after this were focused to making things better. At least thats what they claimed. Nothing never happened.
This was until the Democrat President BILL CLINTON, was presented with the opportunity to make things a bit diverse, and easier for the homosexual community. Although over turning the Military Code that had been standing through the past decades, Bill Clinton's administration came up with the idea of a way to be able to by pass the questions and tests to figure out if some one was homosexual, and give way for all people to serve in the military, under one circumstance. "DONT ASK, DONT TELL"..
This consisted of the military being mandated by law, to not question any members of the United States military to ask for any personal information regarding sexual orientation, to enable them the opportunity to serve and protect. This was in effect until this past week, when the law was erased, after much claimed research.
With over 13,300 discharges over the past 17+ years, this law has caused more detrimental repercussions to the United States military than ever before..
These are the issues I believe hurt our military forever, and most importantly what we represent, and how we come together to fight for freedom.....
We are still vividly discriminating, it was a problem with race color, and has always been, but now we have laws, we have ways that are wrong and right.. Our military was discriminating in front of our faces for half a decade, our founding fathers representation of a future for freedom, was altered, we were not free, we were at a stall. Although I must say stalls are a way of life, we learn and we do things diffrent. But this went on for to long. Most importantly the years in which it was in affect, shined light of our government and voters lack of communication with society, a part of society that is helpful in as many ways as any other segment of lifestyles, Gay or not gay, black or white, yellow or a fellow, male or she-male, life is not about what people think of you, it is about what you do, accomplishments, helpful attributes, the sharing and the giving of our citizens. Our military was ignoring people because of things they could not physically prove was detrimental to our world, but instead they did it because it was not normal...
WHAT IS NORMAL, GOING TO WAR OVER OIL, THE WORLD TRADE CENTERS COMING DOWN, POVERTY, LACK OF EDUCATION, NO JOBS...
IS THAT WHAT WE THINK IS NORMAL??
Nothing is normal, everything we think is a conception of what we think is really life, but at the end of the day, we do not control life, life is everlasting until you die, then it's on to the next one.
We hurt our future generations, as now they have misconceptions of what is real, what is right, and ethical. Disabling the people that build our nation and work for the american dream, never the less fight for us, is one of the saddest things we have ever done as a free nation.
We have made our economy even worse, by taking away people that could have worked for us with no problem.
I truly believe that the repeal of this law, has shined light on the major changes that the Obama administration is trying to make, although he was left with more problems than any other recent president, he is making moves to make sure our nation can be smarter, more lovable, and one that can be trusted, as truly being free...
As this law has effected people dire close to me, and I know many can say the same, now everyone can defend our nation, which should have been the case since day one. I mean the question I leave my readers with is, would you want to fight for a nation that has placed restrictions such as these, and now are reversing them, because recent studies have proved other wise? Sounds fishy right... Remember that everything here in America is ran by us... Well wait... Is IT? HMMM
Lets fight this madness, because Im sure no one would want restrictions places against their beliefs. We are not to be under the sanctions of the government, we are not to be told that we cannot speak for ourselves, and be who we want to be.. We will not be spared of our human rights, our amendments, our freedom, our LIVES..
MAK.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Dreaming...
Dreams...
Dreams are they willing to change with us, or for us?
Are we willing to shape them for us, or for them?
Who has control of our dreams, do we, or them?
Funny that every time I hear this song, I can't help but think that dreams can make or break you, depending on its content..
Why do we dream, why do we have the instinct to tell or recall our dreams, even if the events of such were not positive?
Random thoughts of the day...
Comment freely..
Dreams are they willing to change with us, or for us?
Are we willing to shape them for us, or for them?
Who has control of our dreams, do we, or them?
Funny that every time I hear this song, I can't help but think that dreams can make or break you, depending on its content..
Why do we dream, why do we have the instinct to tell or recall our dreams, even if the events of such were not positive?
Random thoughts of the day...
Comment freely..
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Holiday Spirit (The hidden Issues)
As we all know the Holidays are upon us. The coldest days of the year, are suppose to bring the warmth of family bonds and friends. The scent of burning wood, and pine, in the living room, where everyone talks and shares recent or past memories is the classic view of the holidays in most of our lives. This is the time of year, in which we all seem to wait for, to get new things, and to buy things for others. The smiles of fellow friends and children, either healthy or unhealthy, bad or good, it seems as the holidays brings the best out in everybody.... Or does it?
Sitting here in my living room, staring at this tree we have up, has me thinking about this so called "holiday spirit". Most people don't even know why the hell we put a tree in the living room, or why christmas is celebrated on the 25th??? I may be wrong, but it has never been a topic of discussion at any X-mas events I have attended through the years. Im going to let you do the research on some of the meanings behind this holiday. But for the moment I want to talk on some thoughts I am having during this holiday season....
It may not be relevant to many, but it is relevant to enough to at least mention such thoughts. I think through the years (21 to be exact), I have developed a sense of disappointment for this holiday. To be honest I can't pinpoint the main reason why, but I do have some ideas why it could have happen.
First off, I have never had the true structure a family should have during the holidays, as divorce destroyed any dream of that happening, since 1993 I have never had both parents together for any x-mas celebration. Since 1997 I have not spent the holidays with my mother, or her side of the family, as true catholics, that is very odd to me to grasp. But I do not put all the strain of this issue on religion, as her struggle to care for me has ever continued through the years and has actually been non-exsistent for almost 15 years, which to me is an eternity. During 2001 me and my father decided to move back up to South Carolina from Miami, and have made somewhat of an attempt to celebrate christmas in our own fashion, and also attempted to share such with our family up here... But because of slight differences they have with us and our lifestyles, we seem to have lost touch of this celebration. I have to say that even though the numbers are not high during the holidays for me and my father, we seem to grasp onto the people that care the most, and spend the time with them here at the house, we will put a tree, and have presents and celebrate our love for one another. This is the highlight of what happens with a single father and his son, during the cold holidays.
Secondly, I must reiterate the fact that I have never struggled or been with out anything, I have always been a fortunate one, with physical things, and also emotional love from my father. But as stated before the emotional side from my mother and the whole other side of the family has always been missing. That can take a toll on you during the holidays, making me always ask the question (I wonder if they think of me, as much as I think of them?) It is even harder for this question to come up every holiday season, when your own mother is involved. Just food for thought....
Third issue, It hurts me to see other families that have a core and a great connection between each other, for example 2 parents, and more siblings, (which i never had) negate the holidays, and ignore each other, most importantly caring more about material things than the bond they share. I guess I see the damage they are causing more than they do, because they cannot see first hand the impact this bond has on their lives, both for the present and the future. As most things are not appreciated in this society any longer, until they are gone. IT is just sad that the holidays are one of those diminishing thoughts of happiness and family love and bonding, than ever before.
Fourth, I blame our generation, as we have sadly grown up to trust machines, instead of other humans. I run into this issue daily, as I can catch my self spending more time on my cell phone, the computer, than the actual people around me, and I damn sure know I am not the only one suffering this addiction. It is something we have grown up to understand as healthy and socially acceptable, but the moment you step back and realize the time you are wasting, it is unbelievable what you can realize you are actually doing to the people you love. But this is something that is inevitable as we are relying more on different communications and as our world becomes ever so smaller, so do our attention spans, and our hearts, which simply make the holidays less important in the mind of many!
Last but not least, I despise the fact that so many families if they do share the holiday bond, only share that bond on christmas, or when someone dies.... I know many can relate to this reason of my disappointment, as many families only see each other every 37 years at a random ass family reunion, when someone dies, or when money is needed... But rarely do you get the call wondering how things are going, or to see if everything is alright?.. Weird but true, is this what family is all about..? I don't think so, so I as I sit back and think, I am happiest with just that one family member that cares and shows it everyday, instead of worrying about people that don't take the time to concern themselves about anyone but their households.
Anyways, now that I am done, I want my readers to sit back and think, what can I do different to allow myself, and my family to bond better, to show the true meaning of christmas, to allow us to be a family a pure family, one that stays in touch, one that never forgets the true meaning of LOVE... As I must remind each and everyone of you, this is not something everyone has the opportunity to take advantage of.
MAK 10'
MAK
Sitting here in my living room, staring at this tree we have up, has me thinking about this so called "holiday spirit". Most people don't even know why the hell we put a tree in the living room, or why christmas is celebrated on the 25th??? I may be wrong, but it has never been a topic of discussion at any X-mas events I have attended through the years. Im going to let you do the research on some of the meanings behind this holiday. But for the moment I want to talk on some thoughts I am having during this holiday season....
It may not be relevant to many, but it is relevant to enough to at least mention such thoughts. I think through the years (21 to be exact), I have developed a sense of disappointment for this holiday. To be honest I can't pinpoint the main reason why, but I do have some ideas why it could have happen.
First off, I have never had the true structure a family should have during the holidays, as divorce destroyed any dream of that happening, since 1993 I have never had both parents together for any x-mas celebration. Since 1997 I have not spent the holidays with my mother, or her side of the family, as true catholics, that is very odd to me to grasp. But I do not put all the strain of this issue on religion, as her struggle to care for me has ever continued through the years and has actually been non-exsistent for almost 15 years, which to me is an eternity. During 2001 me and my father decided to move back up to South Carolina from Miami, and have made somewhat of an attempt to celebrate christmas in our own fashion, and also attempted to share such with our family up here... But because of slight differences they have with us and our lifestyles, we seem to have lost touch of this celebration. I have to say that even though the numbers are not high during the holidays for me and my father, we seem to grasp onto the people that care the most, and spend the time with them here at the house, we will put a tree, and have presents and celebrate our love for one another. This is the highlight of what happens with a single father and his son, during the cold holidays.
Secondly, I must reiterate the fact that I have never struggled or been with out anything, I have always been a fortunate one, with physical things, and also emotional love from my father. But as stated before the emotional side from my mother and the whole other side of the family has always been missing. That can take a toll on you during the holidays, making me always ask the question (I wonder if they think of me, as much as I think of them?) It is even harder for this question to come up every holiday season, when your own mother is involved. Just food for thought....
Third issue, It hurts me to see other families that have a core and a great connection between each other, for example 2 parents, and more siblings, (which i never had) negate the holidays, and ignore each other, most importantly caring more about material things than the bond they share. I guess I see the damage they are causing more than they do, because they cannot see first hand the impact this bond has on their lives, both for the present and the future. As most things are not appreciated in this society any longer, until they are gone. IT is just sad that the holidays are one of those diminishing thoughts of happiness and family love and bonding, than ever before.
Fourth, I blame our generation, as we have sadly grown up to trust machines, instead of other humans. I run into this issue daily, as I can catch my self spending more time on my cell phone, the computer, than the actual people around me, and I damn sure know I am not the only one suffering this addiction. It is something we have grown up to understand as healthy and socially acceptable, but the moment you step back and realize the time you are wasting, it is unbelievable what you can realize you are actually doing to the people you love. But this is something that is inevitable as we are relying more on different communications and as our world becomes ever so smaller, so do our attention spans, and our hearts, which simply make the holidays less important in the mind of many!
Last but not least, I despise the fact that so many families if they do share the holiday bond, only share that bond on christmas, or when someone dies.... I know many can relate to this reason of my disappointment, as many families only see each other every 37 years at a random ass family reunion, when someone dies, or when money is needed... But rarely do you get the call wondering how things are going, or to see if everything is alright?.. Weird but true, is this what family is all about..? I don't think so, so I as I sit back and think, I am happiest with just that one family member that cares and shows it everyday, instead of worrying about people that don't take the time to concern themselves about anyone but their households.
Anyways, now that I am done, I want my readers to sit back and think, what can I do different to allow myself, and my family to bond better, to show the true meaning of christmas, to allow us to be a family a pure family, one that stays in touch, one that never forgets the true meaning of LOVE... As I must remind each and everyone of you, this is not something everyone has the opportunity to take advantage of.
MAK 10'
MAK
THE BECOMING OF LIFE
Where can i start, it has been a long 20 years, well actually lets say 15 years, because from age 5 I can remember the major parts of my life... So lets say it's been a long 15 years! It just seems as if i started growing at age 5 you know, with my parents getting divorced , independent thinking began to take a major part in my little world around this time. I had to make big decisions at such an early age. No lie, at this early age, my choice was to be with my father because of my mothers ways! I actually said that, to my mother soon after the divorce was final.. The reason i'm starting this note off with this, is probably because it was the most influential and most important change in my life... Also the hardest, and most treacherous to get over! I gotta say that, if it wasn't for that moment, if they were by any chance to be different and not get a divorce My life would have been so different, that's why I begin with this chapter, this incident, the decision which allowed me to have a life, well at least a childhood..
Let me not loose my self, My reason behind this note, this reflection of thoughts which have been recurring for a few years now, is to explain the changes and promises i have been wanting to make. Through the years, many things have occurred, to shake my thoughts, and influence me to shift my road in life, from the wrong crowds, to the wrong decisions from my immature mind. I have been not forced to do anything in my life, but have decided for myself that I wanted to do everything that I have done, and continue to do... So im not blaming anyone, so dont get it twisted.. I must say that If it wasnt for these descions, thanks due in part to my imagination, i would have not been able to learn the wrongs and rights that I believe carry me to be who I want to be in the future. I was always able to understand other's situations like no one else! I would always be the one to help the most, and sacrifice the most for the friends that needed the most, and never gave anything.. Thank YOU! Because you have me thinking things that have me writing this note.
It must be the rain today, or all the rain I have seen through out my life. It seems like some days I'm in slow motion, kinda like when you are driving down the road and you stare off into the distance and the trees seem to be flying by slower than your car! Life has done this for me for a couple years now! Mostly because the last few years have been the most difficult, and the most unpredicted times of my entire life! I mean, so many things, people, and thoughts have made it that way! It seems like it just gets harder from here? Or do i just make it hard on my self?
People have always told me that I was one of the most influential persons in there lives, the one that always had the right thing to say, the one with all the right advice... Im glad that people think of me that way! I must say that the only reason i have the words to share to my friends, is because I learn well from other's mistakes, before I make my own over and over again! But wait lately it seems as if something is holding me back, something evil like, or stubborn, which wont let me go, and be the person I want to be! I dont' know what to do at times, in which this thing has control of me and my mind. It's crazy! It seems like it wont let me act upon the advice I give, and sometimes hurt me and my emotions. Both physically and emotionally I have been affected by many things in my life, but not ever like this!
I have to admit though that this is the hardest time of my life, being that Im more independent than ever, and life is harder, this thing just adds to my stressful life!?! I am a firm believer that you create your own way of life, and I have created on that I question at times! But not like before, I am questioning alot more.. So i believe that it's times for another chapter of changes! To be honest they are things that have been hurt before in either past relationships, or just from what I have seen, that has forced me to avoid such things! I just really want to be whole to my self! Although I am a great person, in my eyes, I want to be even greater! I want to strive to be happier, which in my eyes is the key to success, but is also the hardest thing in life to obtain.. You see many people claim they are happy to avoid thinking about the things that are making them unhappy!
I want to live the pure life, the life which allows me to be happy at all times, now I have figured out the formula to conquer such a task...
First- One must understand what makes them happy, and im not talking about the smiling you do after you do something good, but im talking about the happy that makes your life slow down as you think about the certain things that make you happy.
Second- One must take this happiness and enforce it on themselves as many times as they can, because it can easily be lost if the person constantly does not feel the emotion of happiness within them!
Third- One must understand that this is the hardest feeling to find, the hardest emotion to hold onto, and that people will attempt to kill this emotion at times, and also attempt to help it. But it is this conflict that affect the person the most in which the person must understand that making the decision on what person to be surrounded by is the way his/ or hers happiness will be shaped during their lives!
Forth- This is the most important and hardest part of the formula, Holding onto the happiness, as for a person to hold on to true happiness, is the hardest thing to do in a person's life.. One must find the power and answer to what he/she has, and then figure out that this is the emotion that makes them successful, it there for then makes you the person you really are!
Following this formula, has been probably the hardest thing I have ever tried to do... I have tried and tried, and have kept screwing up... But I must say that I finally figured it out!!! I have had the moment in which has allowed to me to feel what is real! To feel happy, and to finally figure out that I have reached my maximum potential with this emotion, with my self! I must remind my self of this feeling many times during the day, and allow my self to remember the mistakes and the actions that have lead me to believe that I am truely happy with my self, with my life, with my emotions, and my physical drive, that will indeed make me successful for the long road ahead. This will carry me to be the true MICHAEL ALEXANDER KIRKLAND, the person that I have wanted to be ever since I was 5.
It was 20 years ago, wait lets say 15 years, that made begin this process, and now that I have had the moment, the moment of peace, the moment of silence, the moment that made me realize that life in deed is something that must be figured out, by myself, that is must be looked upon with these moments, of challenge and silence, with many troubles and great times, it is one answer that I have struggled with for so long! With so many things going right but so many things also wrong, I must say and have finally got the drive to express that I am the true self! The true person who was always trying to help others, and forget about what I needed to do, that I have finally found the one thing that will drive me to be a better person, and also allow me to be a better person to all that have any meaningful impact on the rest of my life! So many years have passed, but so many are ahead... But now I know that I am complete as the person that I want to be! All I can say now is that I found my true success, and The key to being me, true HAPPINESS!
To all who read! I wrote this to get the word out of the importance of this success that I am feeling, not for self gratitude, but to help others figure out what is most important! I want to tell all my influentual friends that I LOVE YOU, and that I am all yours, to help and to be there for you when all is said and done! I want to be remembered as " Yea Mike I remember him, he was a great guy, always seemed to happy though"!
MAK
MAY 09'
Let me not loose my self, My reason behind this note, this reflection of thoughts which have been recurring for a few years now, is to explain the changes and promises i have been wanting to make. Through the years, many things have occurred, to shake my thoughts, and influence me to shift my road in life, from the wrong crowds, to the wrong decisions from my immature mind. I have been not forced to do anything in my life, but have decided for myself that I wanted to do everything that I have done, and continue to do... So im not blaming anyone, so dont get it twisted.. I must say that If it wasnt for these descions, thanks due in part to my imagination, i would have not been able to learn the wrongs and rights that I believe carry me to be who I want to be in the future. I was always able to understand other's situations like no one else! I would always be the one to help the most, and sacrifice the most for the friends that needed the most, and never gave anything.. Thank YOU! Because you have me thinking things that have me writing this note.
It must be the rain today, or all the rain I have seen through out my life. It seems like some days I'm in slow motion, kinda like when you are driving down the road and you stare off into the distance and the trees seem to be flying by slower than your car! Life has done this for me for a couple years now! Mostly because the last few years have been the most difficult, and the most unpredicted times of my entire life! I mean, so many things, people, and thoughts have made it that way! It seems like it just gets harder from here? Or do i just make it hard on my self?
People have always told me that I was one of the most influential persons in there lives, the one that always had the right thing to say, the one with all the right advice... Im glad that people think of me that way! I must say that the only reason i have the words to share to my friends, is because I learn well from other's mistakes, before I make my own over and over again! But wait lately it seems as if something is holding me back, something evil like, or stubborn, which wont let me go, and be the person I want to be! I dont' know what to do at times, in which this thing has control of me and my mind. It's crazy! It seems like it wont let me act upon the advice I give, and sometimes hurt me and my emotions. Both physically and emotionally I have been affected by many things in my life, but not ever like this!
I have to admit though that this is the hardest time of my life, being that Im more independent than ever, and life is harder, this thing just adds to my stressful life!?! I am a firm believer that you create your own way of life, and I have created on that I question at times! But not like before, I am questioning alot more.. So i believe that it's times for another chapter of changes! To be honest they are things that have been hurt before in either past relationships, or just from what I have seen, that has forced me to avoid such things! I just really want to be whole to my self! Although I am a great person, in my eyes, I want to be even greater! I want to strive to be happier, which in my eyes is the key to success, but is also the hardest thing in life to obtain.. You see many people claim they are happy to avoid thinking about the things that are making them unhappy!
I want to live the pure life, the life which allows me to be happy at all times, now I have figured out the formula to conquer such a task...
First- One must understand what makes them happy, and im not talking about the smiling you do after you do something good, but im talking about the happy that makes your life slow down as you think about the certain things that make you happy.
Second- One must take this happiness and enforce it on themselves as many times as they can, because it can easily be lost if the person constantly does not feel the emotion of happiness within them!
Third- One must understand that this is the hardest feeling to find, the hardest emotion to hold onto, and that people will attempt to kill this emotion at times, and also attempt to help it. But it is this conflict that affect the person the most in which the person must understand that making the decision on what person to be surrounded by is the way his/ or hers happiness will be shaped during their lives!
Forth- This is the most important and hardest part of the formula, Holding onto the happiness, as for a person to hold on to true happiness, is the hardest thing to do in a person's life.. One must find the power and answer to what he/she has, and then figure out that this is the emotion that makes them successful, it there for then makes you the person you really are!
Following this formula, has been probably the hardest thing I have ever tried to do... I have tried and tried, and have kept screwing up... But I must say that I finally figured it out!!! I have had the moment in which has allowed to me to feel what is real! To feel happy, and to finally figure out that I have reached my maximum potential with this emotion, with my self! I must remind my self of this feeling many times during the day, and allow my self to remember the mistakes and the actions that have lead me to believe that I am truely happy with my self, with my life, with my emotions, and my physical drive, that will indeed make me successful for the long road ahead. This will carry me to be the true MICHAEL ALEXANDER KIRKLAND, the person that I have wanted to be ever since I was 5.
It was 20 years ago, wait lets say 15 years, that made begin this process, and now that I have had the moment, the moment of peace, the moment of silence, the moment that made me realize that life in deed is something that must be figured out, by myself, that is must be looked upon with these moments, of challenge and silence, with many troubles and great times, it is one answer that I have struggled with for so long! With so many things going right but so many things also wrong, I must say and have finally got the drive to express that I am the true self! The true person who was always trying to help others, and forget about what I needed to do, that I have finally found the one thing that will drive me to be a better person, and also allow me to be a better person to all that have any meaningful impact on the rest of my life! So many years have passed, but so many are ahead... But now I know that I am complete as the person that I want to be! All I can say now is that I found my true success, and The key to being me, true HAPPINESS!
To all who read! I wrote this to get the word out of the importance of this success that I am feeling, not for self gratitude, but to help others figure out what is most important! I want to tell all my influentual friends that I LOVE YOU, and that I am all yours, to help and to be there for you when all is said and done! I want to be remembered as " Yea Mike I remember him, he was a great guy, always seemed to happy though"!
MAK
MAY 09'
AS THE WORLD STOPS
Love, one of the most used words in society. It's thrown around everyday, either by itself, or tagged with a hello or a bye along with it. It's a word with so much feeling behind it, and a word that some have no idea about. A word that can make your life better, or worse, and the only word, that can bring you back to life, or kill you!
Surprisingly enough, we cannot live without using this word. This word is the main source of happiness for many and the main source of sadness for alot more. I find it ironic that we use the word so freely around each other even though we have so many feelings attached to this word. I must say that I have seen both sides to this word, the good and the bad, and im sure everyone else has as well. But my main focus here is to shine light on the fact that no matter what happens, we still search for and use the word LOVE. Possibly the greatest word in history, or maybe the worst.
I must say that, love is the greatest feeling in the world, even when it turns out bad in the end, because usually when u experience LOVE, there is always one time, when you feel that the world has stopped. In which you can't feel, you can't smell, or hear anything else but what you love, you can't see anything in the way, it is all negated, and you focus strictly on the person you love. You feel as if you and your LOVE are the only ones on the planet. It's shocking to look in someones' eyes and feel this moment, but after a few seconds you can tell that, it is simply the best feeling in the world. Despite what may happen in the future, that moment is the climax of the word LOVE, and most importantly the felling of happiness, is at it's key point, in which you feel as if nothing can happen to you and the love you share with the person.. When this feeling is there in front of you, make sure to reach over and let the person know how you feel, before it's to late, because you may never get that opportunity again, to let that person know, how good it felt to be emotionally connected to them, in a way that most people struggle to understand these days. Tell them as many times as you can that YOU LOVE THEM. That you will never leave there side, and that you always want them to think of you when in times of doubt or sadness, because they can always count on you to help them out.
I only say this because, i see a lot of people throwing this word around, or saying it without understanding the true meaning of LOVE, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them forever, or talk to them all the time, etc. It means, that when you experience this feeling of LOVE, always remember that this person, is something you care deeply for so deep, that your heart feels that it could do anything for this person without any problems... Always cherish the people you love, despite what may happen, never turn your back on anyone, because that only hurts one person YOURSELF... Always hold the hand in need when you tell some one you LOVE them, and always remember how grateful you are that you even had the opportunity to meet someone that you felt this way about..
Remember that, AS THE WORLD STOPS, this one moment of love, is the most interesting and most beautiful part of life, when it happens, let it be known to the world, that you are experiencing it, as you may never feel it again.
MAK
FEB '10
Surprisingly enough, we cannot live without using this word. This word is the main source of happiness for many and the main source of sadness for alot more. I find it ironic that we use the word so freely around each other even though we have so many feelings attached to this word. I must say that I have seen both sides to this word, the good and the bad, and im sure everyone else has as well. But my main focus here is to shine light on the fact that no matter what happens, we still search for and use the word LOVE. Possibly the greatest word in history, or maybe the worst.
I must say that, love is the greatest feeling in the world, even when it turns out bad in the end, because usually when u experience LOVE, there is always one time, when you feel that the world has stopped. In which you can't feel, you can't smell, or hear anything else but what you love, you can't see anything in the way, it is all negated, and you focus strictly on the person you love. You feel as if you and your LOVE are the only ones on the planet. It's shocking to look in someones' eyes and feel this moment, but after a few seconds you can tell that, it is simply the best feeling in the world. Despite what may happen in the future, that moment is the climax of the word LOVE, and most importantly the felling of happiness, is at it's key point, in which you feel as if nothing can happen to you and the love you share with the person.. When this feeling is there in front of you, make sure to reach over and let the person know how you feel, before it's to late, because you may never get that opportunity again, to let that person know, how good it felt to be emotionally connected to them, in a way that most people struggle to understand these days. Tell them as many times as you can that YOU LOVE THEM. That you will never leave there side, and that you always want them to think of you when in times of doubt or sadness, because they can always count on you to help them out.
I only say this because, i see a lot of people throwing this word around, or saying it without understanding the true meaning of LOVE, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them forever, or talk to them all the time, etc. It means, that when you experience this feeling of LOVE, always remember that this person, is something you care deeply for so deep, that your heart feels that it could do anything for this person without any problems... Always cherish the people you love, despite what may happen, never turn your back on anyone, because that only hurts one person YOURSELF... Always hold the hand in need when you tell some one you LOVE them, and always remember how grateful you are that you even had the opportunity to meet someone that you felt this way about..
Remember that, AS THE WORLD STOPS, this one moment of love, is the most interesting and most beautiful part of life, when it happens, let it be known to the world, that you are experiencing it, as you may never feel it again.
MAK
FEB '10
Ignorance, Insight and Intelligence. (the three I's)
Have you ever just sat back and thought about yourself without thinking about other people? Many will say yes, but few ever do! Have you ever thought to your self that you may not know what your doing? Or even know your purpose?
Past few months have been quite a reality check for me... I have accomplished everything I have wanted to do during this time! O WAIT HAVE I? Yes i think i have.. O wait im having mixed thoughts! You see I do believe that I have done everything I could, but have I tried the hardest that I could, who can measure that when the question comes up? Who has the right to tell you the answer to that question..
The ignorance of thinking, it's a very vivid topic, simply because people think more about others feelings towards them than any other thing they think about... It's human nature to have this focus. Simply because we place so much importance on the emotions of people around us.... If we didnt think like this, could we even get along? Could we ever be one? A human race that prospers when work is done together, and when feelings are not a selfish feeling, but a feeling of cohesive emotions put together to work and accomplish things on a greater scale...
With this, we wouldn't have to talk about each other to advance our selves, we wouldn't have to lie, we could all just tell the truth to each other, as nothing matters except the simple fact that we are all the same ! This sounds great doesn't it....
My whole life, I have tried to impact who ever stepped into my life with the Insight, that all of us are the same, trying to chase on purpose, trying to figure out this purpose is the hardest thing, and im not here to label that to be honest..... What im here to tell my people, is the simple fact that all people are brought into this world the same way, and all people die the same way! But the time between the two, are the most precious times we could ever have.... But we sit back and judge and dismiss people because of things we can't even control.
RACE,RELIGION,COLOR,LOCATION,STYLE,HAIR TYPE,ACTIVITIES...
All major roles in our lives, all things we count on to show others who we are.... The main things people care about in today's world... The things you check off in the applications, and the knowledge tests during your entire life, the things you put on you identification card, the things that place pre judgment on who you are... These are the things, that the world thinks, they can know, and in turn fully understand a person without even seeing the person, or talking to them.... Interesting huh?
Now Im taking this to a whole knew level because i have the power to do so, growing up in a way in which this actually never affected me... You see, at one point in my life, I had this feeling while playing outside in Miami,Fl; that all people were the same, it was around the age of 6 or 7.. I can remember this feeling so well, because it is the one thing that defines me as Michael A. Kirkland. I remember this feeling being weird, and i also scary, as i was always having mixed feelings of people before this feeling came upon me... I must say the circumstances of my life, and the people that came along, have helped me realized that without this feeling i would be exactly like the majority of the world... But i am the true Minority, I am the true only child, the few of us that understand that life is greater than words, or feelings, but it is the importance of understanding that is most powerful, the power to understand is the hardest and most complicated feeling in the world.... Yea I said it!
With life comes decisions, and choices, in which we all make... Now i firmly believe that you should live for your future and not your past.... I believe people should live out of the BOX, step out and enjoy the life you have, without attachments... Believe me it's the greatest feeling in the world, when and if you ever figure out what im talking about... I have only met one person in my entire life that feels the same way about these things, and i hold him dear to my heart, but i must say that, the world is changing, that this insight is being spread everyday, by people that the world feels have no importance.... I do feel that one day, people will be able to follow the true understanding of life, the true understanding of who people are... Simply just you, over and over and over and over and over and over again... almost 7 BILLION times yourself..... and we all came into this world knowing nothing, but swear we know what defines the person, on the right of you, or in front of you, or across the waters in another country....
Now for the intelligence of the situation , you can only win in this situation if you allow your self to... No one else can do it for you, this ain't a bargain either because it will take some time.. And believe me i know, 99% of people do not have the mind set to do something of this nature because it has been embedded in many minds through the generations of mishaps.... But really I believe everyone should take time out of their day, and think how happy would i be if i could look past people and there outer shell, how bout their inner shell, and just say to my self, that's just another ME! Thats just another human, Just like me!!!
I believe that this can happen one day, but i wont ever see it.... I also have made it a mission to make sure that I leave this imprint on everyone that walks through my life, because i carry this as high importance! The past few months I have made some major steps to break through even more shields that society has placed in front of me, but most definitely there is alot of more work to do to show people that their is more to life than labels....
For now, im just giving you the definition of my life, to show you ignorance, the insight and the intelligence of what i have seen and can do for the rest of my life.
Again, always speak from your heart, despite what others feel... As i strive for this everyday!
Live Reality, Live Right, Live Real!
Always respect your brother, always respect life, as you only get one to make you impact!
-MAK January '10
Past few months have been quite a reality check for me... I have accomplished everything I have wanted to do during this time! O WAIT HAVE I? Yes i think i have.. O wait im having mixed thoughts! You see I do believe that I have done everything I could, but have I tried the hardest that I could, who can measure that when the question comes up? Who has the right to tell you the answer to that question..
The ignorance of thinking, it's a very vivid topic, simply because people think more about others feelings towards them than any other thing they think about... It's human nature to have this focus. Simply because we place so much importance on the emotions of people around us.... If we didnt think like this, could we even get along? Could we ever be one? A human race that prospers when work is done together, and when feelings are not a selfish feeling, but a feeling of cohesive emotions put together to work and accomplish things on a greater scale...
With this, we wouldn't have to talk about each other to advance our selves, we wouldn't have to lie, we could all just tell the truth to each other, as nothing matters except the simple fact that we are all the same ! This sounds great doesn't it....
My whole life, I have tried to impact who ever stepped into my life with the Insight, that all of us are the same, trying to chase on purpose, trying to figure out this purpose is the hardest thing, and im not here to label that to be honest..... What im here to tell my people, is the simple fact that all people are brought into this world the same way, and all people die the same way! But the time between the two, are the most precious times we could ever have.... But we sit back and judge and dismiss people because of things we can't even control.
RACE,RELIGION,COLOR,LOCATION,STYLE,HAIR TYPE,ACTIVITIES...
All major roles in our lives, all things we count on to show others who we are.... The main things people care about in today's world... The things you check off in the applications, and the knowledge tests during your entire life, the things you put on you identification card, the things that place pre judgment on who you are... These are the things, that the world thinks, they can know, and in turn fully understand a person without even seeing the person, or talking to them.... Interesting huh?
Now Im taking this to a whole knew level because i have the power to do so, growing up in a way in which this actually never affected me... You see, at one point in my life, I had this feeling while playing outside in Miami,Fl; that all people were the same, it was around the age of 6 or 7.. I can remember this feeling so well, because it is the one thing that defines me as Michael A. Kirkland. I remember this feeling being weird, and i also scary, as i was always having mixed feelings of people before this feeling came upon me... I must say the circumstances of my life, and the people that came along, have helped me realized that without this feeling i would be exactly like the majority of the world... But i am the true Minority, I am the true only child, the few of us that understand that life is greater than words, or feelings, but it is the importance of understanding that is most powerful, the power to understand is the hardest and most complicated feeling in the world.... Yea I said it!
With life comes decisions, and choices, in which we all make... Now i firmly believe that you should live for your future and not your past.... I believe people should live out of the BOX, step out and enjoy the life you have, without attachments... Believe me it's the greatest feeling in the world, when and if you ever figure out what im talking about... I have only met one person in my entire life that feels the same way about these things, and i hold him dear to my heart, but i must say that, the world is changing, that this insight is being spread everyday, by people that the world feels have no importance.... I do feel that one day, people will be able to follow the true understanding of life, the true understanding of who people are... Simply just you, over and over and over and over and over and over again... almost 7 BILLION times yourself..... and we all came into this world knowing nothing, but swear we know what defines the person, on the right of you, or in front of you, or across the waters in another country....
Now for the intelligence of the situation , you can only win in this situation if you allow your self to... No one else can do it for you, this ain't a bargain either because it will take some time.. And believe me i know, 99% of people do not have the mind set to do something of this nature because it has been embedded in many minds through the generations of mishaps.... But really I believe everyone should take time out of their day, and think how happy would i be if i could look past people and there outer shell, how bout their inner shell, and just say to my self, that's just another ME! Thats just another human, Just like me!!!
I believe that this can happen one day, but i wont ever see it.... I also have made it a mission to make sure that I leave this imprint on everyone that walks through my life, because i carry this as high importance! The past few months I have made some major steps to break through even more shields that society has placed in front of me, but most definitely there is alot of more work to do to show people that their is more to life than labels....
For now, im just giving you the definition of my life, to show you ignorance, the insight and the intelligence of what i have seen and can do for the rest of my life.
Again, always speak from your heart, despite what others feel... As i strive for this everyday!
Live Reality, Live Right, Live Real!
Always respect your brother, always respect life, as you only get one to make you impact!
-MAK January '10
The Controversies of Society...
In today’s world the driving force of creating and destroying life is not religion, nor politics, or sexual reproduction, it can’t be seen, and is one of the most complicated system’s in the universe, it weighs only three pounds, and everyone has one. The brain, is responsible for everything we see as humans, both internally and externally, as it is the single most important thing in a human’s existence, the driving force for life, as we know it today. With out this life would stop for humans, it would be a universe of no knowledge, no ideas, no creation, imagination or dreams, life would be boring, the world would not be the same. We are special to have such an intriguing organ, as it allows us to love and hate each other and our surroundings until it dies out, and this is why the world turns, as we all know it today bringing forever the controversies of society.
Society today has much to talk about, many are concentrating on what they believe is a higher power, and some are more worried only on what they see. In most cases these beliefs, which are most of the time followed by some action, are based on prior events, or word of mouth transactions, which is understandable, as communication is one of the most important aspects of human development. Some of these topics that I have seen first hand in my life mostly include, Race (color and cultural background), Religion (heaven in opposition to. hell), and sexual orientation (straight vs. gay). These all have had a huge impact on my entire generation, but most of all I have experience with each one, and believe all have had an everlasting touch on my life, most importantly my future.
The controversy of race in today’s world has probably affected the entire population, all 6.8 Billion. This is a major factor of people’s lives as the world population is growing an estimated 140 million people per year, and immigration is entirely a growing trend in every country. In my life, I have been part of my own controversy, and have seen it through the eyes of a diverse Cuban-American man, that has been part of the culture of the city of Miami, and also the towns of the South Carolina. I can attest by saying that my culture in a bigger city was vibrant, and as I moved to a place in which Spanish-speaking people are not abundant, I took a major step back in time, which felt uncomfortable. People have the urge to single things out, call out something new, and in my eyes without trying to understand the thing or person, they would rather abolish it in most cases. Of course this is all dependent to where you are and what culture background you are dealing with. This is why I believe the most important thing about this issue is the consequences behind it, we have been through slavery, and now call ourselves equal, but society will never be equal, instead it could be understood, or learned, as if studying or reading a novel. This is vivid portion of my maturity and for some it may be the same, but for most I see, I see a downgrade to childish thinking and mind bending actions, as society can only move on from here by allowing the door the open, that door is the mind.
In today’s world religion is a very sensitive topic, which also affects every person living today in some shape or form. Religion is the worship of a god, or the belief of a higher power beyond himself or herself. Religion has been a front-runner in almost every controversial topic in recent history. For example our war in the middle east, are against fundamentalists that live and die for their religion. Religion is a touchy subject because it is deep rooted in a person’s culture and roots, which means it is sometimes’ untouchable, in other words they believe what they do and that’s final, any thing else is phony information. Of course there are ups and downs to this, as a person can gain so much by believing in their religion, but can also loose so much by channeling in only on what they have been told, which can close them in a box for a lifetime. This is a problem you see again and again, although religion is a key to a person’s dedication to one’s self and others, religion can also show destruction of people, it gives away to divisions of society’s and also makes people choose sides. The key point to religion is finding out what happens to one after life, (the after life), but the main problem is, would people believe what they claim they did if they were told differently from birth. This is proof that religion is in- bedded in most cases, and very few choose their own path, which shows the true problems behind this controversial topic of society.
Society and its desire for sexual pleasure or acceptance, has been part of human’s since existence, as it is this that allows for reproduction and population growth. This is not the controversial part of the issue, the issue today is based merely on cultural differences, religion and personal beliefs that carry individuals to decide what they believe makes them happy. People in today’s world have an increased tolerance to differences in the sexual world, but it still remains one of the hardest to accept out of everything else, simply because it has not been the norm in most or even all cultures around the world to be part of the homosexual, bi-sexual or trans -sexual community. The growing trend is due to the fact that the population of this community is growing in numbers that many did not expect, and since these numbers are growing, in order for things to go somewhat as people are use to, acceptance is now an option many are taking. This increase, has led to a marketing effort from companies, politicians, government agencies, etc, and by lending a hand (in most cases) it helps the boundaries between the sexual communities to be closer and closer through the years. Although still a un natural norm to most, it is in my eyes something that is expected, something that is dealt with, no matter the beliefs, and continuing to strive towards rights for all people that are part of these communities; to eventually push to be part of not a minority but a whole community of equal people.
In conclusion, it is not definitive what topics are going to come up in the future; society simply has too much intelligence to not debate controversial issues between them. It is back to the simple concept that one must learn in order to understand another’s view point, another’s belief system, and in order for topics to be understood one must have the open door to allow the opportunity to come naturally, and not force the issue. This in my eyes is nearly impossible to have the entire society follow this process, but if one person does it, you can be assured another will follow, and the process will span across the globe easier than ever before. Equality on these issues will never be touched, but if we touch one another with a sense of understanding, the world will forever be a better place.
*To all who are lost in this world...
MAK September 10'
Every Path that Begins Must also End, and Every Ending Must also Begin...
Closing the door, has never been something I have been good at doing, it is something I don't look forward to doing, and simply a tough decision to make. This time it's different, not saying it's easy, but it is something I see clearly, it is clear cut, it is in something I have no choice in any longer, and it must be DONE. Through the years this has been an option that I never looked much into, I always left it on the back burner, as I believed you would understand the reality of what you were doing, and I thought for years you would make changes. It is not totally your fault, as you are confused and lost as you claim, but in all, you are to blame for the destruction of this brotherhood, not once, not twice, not three times, to be completely honest I have lost count.
As a brother, I always held tight to the ever lasting memories and moments we shared through the years of adolescence all the way up to now, and the longer I held on to those memories, the harder it was for me to not pay attention to the destruction it was actually causing me. Thankfully, I have grown into a fine young man, one that cherishes such things as FRIENDSHIP, LOYALTY, FAMILY, TRUST, AND BROTHERHOOD. At a young age, I figured out that with out a clear understanding of myself, and my own beliefs along side with respect for others around me; I would never be able to say these words without truly being a hypocrite, but that I am not, and for that YOU ARE.
With that being said, this is where I am, this is the situation at hand, and finally it is something that is more important to do, than ever before...
I must say, that this is probably one of the hardest things that I have ever done, exposing the true you, exposing you in a way that no one ever has, and to be completely honest you will never hear this amount of truth from anyone else in you life. This is not simple to understand from either side, but the longer I continue to let you walk in and out of my life, thinking that you are the only one that matters, is something that must STOP. As my life is too pure for such nonsense, and my time is too precious to be wasting on someone that doest see his own life fading away from them. THIS MADNESS MUST END....
Let me reiterate, that I do understand the tough situations we have been part of, and mostly you have had it harder in many aspects of life than I have. But nevertheless this and any thing else that will be thrown in my face about my decision, are excuses and nonsense that does not take away from the fact, that you continue to run away from the people that love you the most.... Your entire life is surrounded my misleading excuses, that tend to take you away from the light, and make you misunderstand what truly matters to you.. As a true friend that I have been since the first day we met, I have been through these excuses, and misleading roads you chose to take, and held your hand like a brother should do, and watched listened and learned through the way... Something you have lacked during the duration of our friendship, and in all, this is what has killed the friendship we had strived to keep for a lifetime, and for that, this is one of the saddest moments of my life, but also one of the happiest.
I can honestly say, that every day, for the past 10 years, I have never gone to sleep without thinking about you, with out one single concern, or a thought of happiness and sadness. This is something that made me open up my eyes at the age of 11 and say to my self "thats someone that is truly important to me", "my best friend" "my brother".... Little did I know, I would see that person fade before my eyes, time and time again.
YOU SEE, a person can only give but so much, yes I understand Im far from perfect, but I have never turned my back, or walked away from anyone that mattered this much to me. As for problems, and wrong doings, yes I can say I have my fair share, but I have never left any of those doors open, and I have never reopened them, as I have learned from those mistakes, and become a better man to all. For you on the other hand, it has been a continuous cycle of the things I never wanted from anyone in my life, and a cycle of treating me like as if I was nothing to you. Walking beside me one day, gone the next, the cycle of continuous failure of what a true friend is, and most importantly, a life of follower and not a leader.
For this I must end by saying a few things that I have left on my mind....
Don't ever forget what we been though, but forget the things you took advantage of in me.
Dont ever think I did this for me, I did it for us, as you asked for it multiple times.
When you think of our past, think of what our brotherhood meant to you, and ask yourself, what it could have been?
I want you to be you, I want you to continue doing what you are doing, despite what I or others say..
Be a leader, Do not follow up these people in your life, that are trying to destruct your beautiful life.
Be a great father, as I know you can be even better.
Never forget where you came from, But always leave your life open to new things.
Never settle for less, alway strive for love and success.
Finally, I love you bro, but this is just something that must be done.. I hope you take this to the heart, and realize what I said is for both of us, for us to find what we are really looking for, as I feel this is something I cannot pursue any longer.. But i must remind you, as the door closes, new ones will open for the both of us, and I wish you the up-most success in what you do, and if you ever get in a situation you can't get out of, remember what we have learned together, and most importantly what your faith has taught you...
Love you bro...
MAK Nov'10
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