Choices && Love

I can begin this blog, by saying that I have come a long way, since my first entry. It's important to look back sometimes. Life has taken so many different paths, all of them were in ways, I tried to plan for, but took a customized route each time. Which taught me some important lessons along the way.

This reflection are for those that may be lost, those that may think they love with their fullest potential, and most importantly those that have done things to jeopardize the ones they love for selfish reasons. This can go for those that have loved with all their heart, just to reemphasize the fact that you are doing a great job, and to keep it up.

We all have choices we make everyday... Some of us take these choices and make the common call on most, or the choice that we are just accustomed to. We sometimes forget the choices we have at hand, forgetting the power and consequences of the ones we face every moment of our lives. I have been blessed to have many great people in my life, some that loved me with their all, some not so much. But the older I get, the wiser I become, the more I can sit here and think of all the things that could have been better, If I would have made better choices. By choices Im not talking just aesthetics, but also the things we dont see, feel, smell, or taste, the choices that we take for granted and sometimes forget to pay attention to, or even acknowledge. 

The hot topic of LOVE. Everyone talks about it, everyone wants it, everyone feels it regardless of what you may think or say, it is a part of life, we all desire to fulfill before we die. 

The main questions being: 

• Are you doing the right things to attain the love you want?
• Do you have the love for yourself, that you are willing to share with someone else?
• Have you ever thought of how it is to be hurt, or loved, before trying to attain love from someone?
• Do you know love?
• If you know love, do you know what it takes to keep that love alive, for both sides?
• Have you found happiness and if so, are you willing to share that happiness with someone else?

All these questions are things we should ask ourselves daily. Matter fact, I can almost guarantee that these thoughts run through most heads daily, and probably most of you, but in different forms.

Such as.

• Am I doing what makes me happy?
• Is what I'm doing making the person that I love happy?
• Does this other person love me, as much as I love them?
• Do they know love?
• I wonder if they know how hurtful it is when they do this and that?
• I wonder if this will last?
• What can I do to be sure this lasts?

So maybe you caught the irony in what I'm stating above....

In all, to explain this in deeper context for you..

Life seems to trick us into thinking we actually do know everything about our feelings.  People think love is love, and hate is hate. But sometimes life tricks you, leaving you more clueless than before you even knew love, or even knew hate.  You think you have been hurt, when you really havent, you think you have loved when you really havent. 

In truth, the choices we are faced with daily, are based on what we think we know, but at the end of the day that is life, it is only what we can do. So inevitably we chase the love, that we think is love, and we tend to run from the hate, that we think is hate.

It is important that when you have the choice in front of you to share something with someone, that is special to you, to take full advantage of it. As the choices we make inevitably shape our future. Even though at the moment it may not seem like it, there really is truth in self karma. You must have the state of mind of doing good, if you want good in your future, doing bad, if you want bad in your future..

Yes, there is always time to change, but I'll save that for another time to discuss.

I want you to take a few things out of this, if anything.

First of all, if you have love in your life, that makes you happy, do not cheat the love, by doing selfish things, because love doesn't lie, but love doesn't have to last forever for you either.

Second--apologies go but so far for yourself, at some point you will realize that mistakes are common, yes, but repeating the same things will set you back even further from the love you are pursuing in your life.

Third--  Do not think for one second that life stops for you, if you think someone will stop pursuing their happiness for you, think again. You must adjust, you must have space in your heart to allow movement of love, to allow somethings not to go your way, but loves way. 

Fourth-- Love with your all, show your heart that you can defeat any feelings of uncertainty, give the opportunity to every moment of love, to shine, and be great. Do not pass up on love, as love is not guaranteed for you or anyone.

Fifth--Your past does not define you today, stop thinking of what you have done, if you have the power to change you will change.

Most importantly do not blame anyone else but yourself for the situations and choices you are in, or make...

Remember some of these things.

and I will promise you:

• A bright future.
• Love of the greatest kind (With Patience)
• Finding yourself.
• Happiness (In which you control)
• No Guilt.
• No blaming others for your problems.

As I wrap this up, dont make excuses for what you have not become, but make sure to understand the reasons of what you have become, who you are, and what you know makes you happy..

With that being said,

I must say it feels great to be in love.. True love at last.

Truthfully..

Mike

Nov. 12'

The Balance of Selfishness

It's been a while since I've had the time to write down some thoughts... Life has been rather crazy the past few months... I have been through so much... Good && Bad.. I must not complain.. Life has been good to me.. With that being said, I hope the readers of my blog, are doing well. As I wish you well through these days.

This entry will take a direction one may not think about often. I had a few thoughts as of late,  that made me take some steps back, for the good though, as taking a few steps back to realize whats in front of you, can help you if you use those steps to move forward with happiness...

It's strange to think that we are at fault for something...

Usually as humans, we are trained to know about mistakes, but naturally it is easier for us to point the finger at someone else, to take the stress off of our day(s).  But while doing this, we tend to forget how to fix the problem.

I have been faced with looking deep into my life to figure out what has caused me to do this as of late.  For years, I have struggled with the fact of "being alone" for many reasons. Growing up the only child has molded this feeling for years. Friends and family have come and gone like leaves off of a tree. Im a dreamer and have always wanted a great family atmosphere, but I have never had such thing. My mother and her side of the family, is so dysfunctional that I havent heard a word from them in over 15 years. It goes to say that, my father has raised me yes, but his side of the family, as never embraced me as a part of the family for many reasons, which I know of, but still makes no sense.  Over time, I have put myself in situations with my spouses in which I concentrate so much into time with them, that I forget about what they truly need and want. This has been a problem for many years.  I have drove people away from me emotionally because of it. Most importantly this wasn't intentional at all, I couldn't even tell I was doing it.

It's like a habit, I tend to do this when they or I, least expect it.  I try not to drive people away with it. But I have realized over time that the "Balance of Selfishness" is one of the most important things to learn in one's life. I have found over the years, that my situation is different from each and everyone of those people that have ever come into my life.  All people have a different sense of time, and what they want to do with it.

Understanding this simple part of life, has been a struggle for me. As we all set expectations up for people over time, and we expect something back for what we give them, but we can easily forget that those expectations may be built too much on the side of what you want, instead of what they really desire. That is where the problem can occur.

It is important too balance Selfishness, because at the end of the day, if we are not a little selfish we would never grab what we desire, we wouldn't even know how to get there.  Simply take a step back and realize what you need, what the person you love, needs, combine that with what you both desire, and make a place in the middle for the both of you. Friends, Family, Spouse, all included. People, setting expectations for people, so high, and not allowing them to attain it, because of what you desire, is not the right way of setting expectations for anyone, nevertheless yourself.

I have learned that allowing time too come, is so much better than chasing time.

Time will always be available for you and the people you love.

It is important for me to realize that no matter the situations I have been part of, if someone loves me, and wants to be with me, they will do just that. I try to crunch so much of my time into people because of what I have been through, and what I never had, and that isn't the right way of doing things.

But I have figured so much out.  For this I'm grateful  to understand that my time is only as good, as I make it for myself. Most of all, that the Balance of Selfishness, needs to be adressed at all times.

For the people, in my life.... Thank You.. For always being so understanding... I hope and wish that you know I love you with my ALL...

Truthfully,

Mike

Nov. 12'

Memoir for Imperfections...

I have been thinking of writing these thoughts down for some time now.. The time was not right, until now...

So let me begin by saying that I have grown to understand that no matter what, mistakes are always going to be a constant in my life. This blog is not for anyone but myself. Life is full of choices, as we all know, but what we dont understand are the consequences, to be honest, most of us act upon thoughts without even thinking about the result, unless its something we have perfected, in which nothing we ever do is perfected.

What I have learned, is that nothing you desire is unavoidable, if its what you truly desire.  I have gone through many stages of growth in my life, as we all do, but for the past few years, I have grown to the point of understanding what I really want in life.

This blog serves one purpose to my readers, to show you that my mistakes have made me grow, but at the same time, show how imperfect life and I have become, to coincide into a relationship of hardship, fun, happiness, alongside many sad times.  

I have been through many relationships with people, and have found myself in some just for the hell of it, because I felt it was needed, others not so much, I have fallen in love a few times.

I know this because my world stopped when I was around these people..

This doesn't just go for women, but I want to concentrate this entry on my past relationships with the opposite sex.

Much of the time I have spent in relationships have been great, several long term, several short term. learning along the way, that each relationship is different, and unique in its own form.  I remember telling the first girl that I loved her, but had no idea what the word meant, or what feeling I should have when saying it.

I will never forget these relationships, but one thing that stands out the most, is the inconsistency that I have had each time. I have gone from loving someone so much, to not wanting to see them, and from never wanting to see them, or knowing them, to wanting to see them, or getting to know them.

Many of my relationships have been gestures of fantasy love, where I thought things were so right, but they were so wrong on so many levels.

The wrong parts became things I constantly tried to fix, never realizing or understanding the good things in the relationships.

For most to understand I must label my mistakes.

Cheating, Lies, Arguing, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse...

There you have it.. I have been part of it all, and no Im not scared to discuss this, because I am at a point in my life, where I can see the wrong, and right with no eyes closed.

My imperfections have shown me that although I have done so many wrongs, I have done so much right, I have loved with all my heart, I have been there for my partner(s) at all times, even after break ups, and most importantly never looked past what I had with them during or after the fact.

But it seems that throughout my years, I have struggled with the fact that I have not been fully satisfied, and no matter how hard I try to see myself as being satisfied, there has always come a point of not being desired, loved, or cared about in a way that made me completely happy.

This is not to give way to any type of excuse for my mistakes, but to express my thoughts on my happiness which is inevitably the only thing that will ever make me complete.

I have found happiness within myself, complete happiness, should I state, just recently, and my life seems so much better, it seems as if life has begun here, but there is still so much that holds me back, simply because of everything I have been through, both from my imperfections, or someone else's.

Simply said:

For the ones that I have lost, because of my wrong doings, it was nothing personal, it was me, that was not ready, it was me that you did not need, it was me, that never should have lied, and most of all, it was me that loved you.... But just not completely..

I have found a place in my heart to understand my mistakes like no other time in my life..

This is not a sorry, or a letter to show that Im sorry, because I have said that many times before...

Instead these are my thoughts, on my near perfection on understanding how imperfect I really am..

But for now, just know that the memories that we built, mean more to me now that ever before, and I know from here on out, life will be better than what once was a life just for me, its more than just me, I have the world to love, and understand their imperfections as well..

Thank you for allowing me to experience everything that I have, as it has built me up to be the man that I am today, even if you think Im a terrible man, I know in my heart that my intentions were always good, but I did not show them as is, but again, I'm not perfect.

I Love you all.. 

Truthfully,

MK

(Dedicated to the ones that gave me their all, and still do)

The Importance Of Self Realization

We are very picky as humans... Most of all, We are very selfish with mostly everything.. Most of all our lives, emotions, our past and our futures... Which is all part of being human, but also part of a ever greedy society, and one that will take comfort over anything.  We all share this in some way, and together we become the greedy people, the people that will sometimes be greedy for themselves, for other people, for the right people and the wrong, the right cause, or the wrong cause... This is what I call being Human...

The self realization of a human being, is someone that comes in contact with life, in a surreal form, or way. One that realizes what life is worth to them, what they will do to live their lives in a matter that is most comfortable for them, so that they can inevitably make themselves feel Happiness, and in the mean time, make others proud, or sad.  It is here where people can win big, or lose miserably. But im not saying either outcome is bad.. Both can be and always will be something to lean back on, something to carry with you for eternity, and it not only goes for you, but everyone, the entire world..

Maybe, Im losing your intrest... So let me ask you a simple but determining question...

Have you ever been happy, but sad; sad but happy?

The answer for all, should be yes.. That is if you live in this world.. The human world.

Simply, it is impossible to have one without the other.  It is something that is with us for a life time.. The battle of finding happiness, through the understanding of sadness. This can go unnoticed for a life time, or can be noticed in every step of a new beginning, or time of change..

Let me share a quick experience with you.. In order to clarify and bring this topic to reality for you.

For a long time, I began to feed myself a false realization of happiness, and hope, taking my happiness for granted, to please others. This is not directed towards anyone specific. I began to think that the comfort of past happiness, experiences and over taking sadness with certain people, gave me the future power to always be happy, and conquer it by myself.  Sometimes living life, sadly happy, which leads to an empty feeling.  It gave me a sense of being non-human, being something that was not chasing what I wanted.  I fell into a level of comfort, where I never looked at my own doings, my own dreams, my own feelings, to understand what truly can make me happy, what made me human, what made life acceptable for me.

I started to wonder if being happy was greedy... Because I knew in order to regain full happiness within myself, someone's happiness would be shaken, and possibly robbed by my decisions.  But that is human nature, and part of life.. You cannot please everyone, no matter how humble and giving you are..

I must say, that during the process of Self Realization, I have learned that this is a life long study, of how you want to live.  As life changes, so does your happiness, your sadness, the things that bring you and your peers together, or apart. Its a great part of life, but also one that is very misunderstood, by both the individual, and everyone else that is connected and depending on that individual.

The hardest part of the process, is deciding what and how to do things, in order to make one happy, as in yourself.

I had to come to a point of mental silence, taking out all of the filter that I have placed in my life, that was blocking the way I thought life was supposed to be.. I had to start thinking about what would fulfill me at this time, not yesterday, or tomorrow.  I had to do something NOW.

This process of self realization happens many times in a persons life, and is a critical part of living for you..  Although, it may come suddenly, and surprise many peers, and even yourself.  I had too understand that this feeling was real, and something about it was telling me, that I created this, and needed to pay attention to ME.

As life moves on, we depend on others to fulfill this void between happiness and sadness, rarely thinking that the people that can bring you both, usually understand you, and love you the most. No one is going to make you completely happy, or completely sad, unless you let them.. But at the end of the day, no one will ever make you happy or sad, if you have no Self-Realization of what you desire for both emotions, or how you want to live your life based on the only two emotions that matter in this entire universe.

When you are faced with the question of being unhappy, make a change, that is feasible for only YOU... When you are facing happiness, never get too comfortable to forget what you have, never begin to think you can't lose that happiness again, and that you may have to start over for your own well being.

There is no such thing as being too greedy with your emotions..

If anything, there is no such thing as others making you happy or sad, it is all up to you to feel what you feel, so there is no time to waste, listening to others on what you should do, to fulfill your SELF REALIZATION!!!!



Truthfully,

Mike 12'

Visions and Dreams...

So the other night, I had some visions.. This is far from unusual for me, as I am always dreaming, whether it's good or bad, or having thoughts run through my head that keep me up, when I should be sleeping... For the past few years, I have been working night shift, which has turned my life around, into some type of nocturnal animal.. Where I work 5 nights out the week, and I basically have one night off a week... I even pulled this off through my college years..

Since I started, my social life has taken a hit, my eating habits, and mind have taken different courses of actions, to adapt to this schedule.. This is not normal for any human, to miss nights of sleep at this rate.. It is actually proven that missing a night of sleep, alters life in ways you can see, and ways you can't.

The vision I had, was actually a happy vision, one where I called the shots, where I had more choices, a reason to do better. But this is nothing that I dont already attain in my life at the current moment..  It was a reminder.. A reminder telling me, never to settle.. Which has always been something, I have told my people to never do...

To settle, to get comfortable, with something that truly does not make me happy, but gets me by, in a way that most people see fit, but I dont... Which should be everyone's fear.. It is something that can be easily done, and easily looked over.. I say this because, I have felt in some ways that this is happening to me.. But at the same time, I have been trying my best to do better, and most importantly get out of my current situation to actually show new life, and to smile more..

All these things matter to anyone. But are rarely said!!

Its something that comes and goes during a person's life time.. The realization of a yield, or a stop sign in life... It happened to me when I decided to reconnect with my mother, that has been in and out of my life for years, It happened to me when I chose to separate myself from certain peers in high school, in order to go down the road of success I saw the most fit for me..

When this comes, you have two choices. You can take the road with the others, that seem to be pulling you with them in ways that may seem fit, and exciting, and most of the time easier...

Or you can take your road.. You can decide to live your vision out, your dream, have your own smiles.. Instead of being pulled, you push yourself into a path that makes you have a whole smile, and allows you to show people that they dont need to be pulled into anything, but instead they can be shown a path in life that conforms into something that makes them whole, while allowing them to be happy, without the filter of misguided minds... Or how I always say, "Limited Minds"

As anything that makes you happy, Its a challenge to find and attain:

Working more than most of my peers, for the past 4 years, has shown me the good and bad, of corporate America, and how tarnished the American dream has become for my generation..

But one thing I can say, is that our generation, including myself, have the will power to do better, to shape our future into something we see fit, something that is best for all of us...

Of course this doesn't go for everyone, as some are still "limited in their mind's".. Most importantly some still try to do whats comfortable, and forget that they can make new comfort by stepping into action. But some never see the light...

My vision has shown me..

The dreams have shed light on me..

That the situation that I am in, is far from what makes me happy.

Although I am happy that I have a job, funds, and a way to support a semi-living.

It is not what fulfills me.. It is nothing close to anything, that will ever complete me..

The main part of life, is in front of me, it is in my mind, my visions, and my dreams at night..

Its time to press forward like I always have, and continue down my road of happiness, but instead of walking, Its time to start running, while I hold on to what is most important to me.. The life that is for me, is right here, I see it, and Im going all in for it...

Do YOU? Are you?



Truthfully,


MK 12'

When you knew none.

Born to search,

Born to love,

Search for love,

Love the search..

If we hate,

We forget to love,

When we forget,

We don't remember..

The beloved past,

The beloved birth,

We are no longer alive,

Our Memory is nothing,

It's meaning is blind..

As a new born,

Life is as easily gone,

As it is given,

Never forget to dream..

But remember your home,

Embrace your love,

As it was there,

When you knew none.

Truthfully,

MK 12'

To: the life of the unlimited minds.

Greatness

In the land of the free,

The home of the brave,

Its money and fame we crave,

The drugs, sex, and violence,

Lead our free minds to a daze...

Conspiracies, Terror, Fear,

Classified as theory,

By the masters at work,

That watch nations fall,

Through it's own crevices,

As we stand tall,

We sit, just as quick,

Never thinking of principle values,

That might give us that fix...

Excuses, Demands, Failures,

Digging a hole deeper,

As we watch our addictions,

Build on our limitations,

In a place where we claim,

That the land is free,

And our home is brave...

Do you have the Greatness,

To save,

Our lives for so called, 

better days...?

Truthfully,

MK 12'

{ Dedicated to the dreamer(s) }

Disappointment...

The word Disappointment is often misunderstood, or misused. The word traces back to Middle English in the way of Old French (15th. Century) "desapointer" meaning to (Remove from office) ...

The adapted definition is as follows,

Disappointment- The feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest.

Through out life, I can recall using this word, to describe the following:

• Failure
• Things that didn't go as planned
• Other people's wrong doing(s)
• People's opinions of what I do, that is not accepted.
• The different
• Seemingly expected results, that many people experienced, except me.
• Leaders
• Followers
• Love
• Friendships
• School grades
• Society
• Myself
• and many more......

That being said, I can say that, without breaking down the things that I found disappointing in life, and understanding why these can be disappointing, I may never have understood the true value of this word, and most importantly, how much we can overuse the term, both mentally and verbally.

It has been running through my head to break this down for not only myself, but for my readers as well.

Although similar to Regret:

It differs, in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that, contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself.

Psychological Results:

Can vary greatly, while some recover quicker than others.

• Stress
• Depression
• Frustration
• Blame
• Health

I have often found myself in situations in life, where I have set my expectations based on others and their accomplishments, I must say that many times I did so, I found myself in disappointment.

I have often found myself in situations in life, where when I made a mistake, I blamed others for the actions I decided to partake in, many times, I found myself in disappointment.

I have often found myself in situations in life, where others and their judgmental words, or actions, led me to believe that my actions were wrong, although I was happy, many times, finding myself in disappointment.

I have often found myself in situations in life, where what others told me what to expect, never occurred, or did, and still I can remember times of disappointment.

But I must say, that when I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, when I didn't worry completely about planning every detail, when I gave the space and opportunity for life to take its course, gave equal balance between my thoughts, and others, I never found myself in disappointment....


This being said:


I must reiterate, that I do believe I am speaking for everyone with the examples I have set forth above.


By no means am I saying it is easy or even possible to avoid disappointment, but I am saying that it is possible for one not to understand what the word means, its emotion, or its root cause(s).


For one to understand and see what disappointment is,

• One must define the word for them self.  
• One must have the ability to shy away from opinions when trying to do so.
• One must understand who they are.
• One must understand where they are at.
• One must understand where they want to go.
• One must understand where they want to be. 

Disappointment can destroy the best people, it can make the optimist seem frail, it can make the doubter seem afraid, but everyone will have to face it, deal with it, live it, or die with it.

Disappointment can cause you to make the wrong decision over and over again, if you do not, understand the root of where it comes from.

Listen to your thoughts.

Live, Dream, Love, and Die Happy...

All this is possible with the understanding of a word that is often misunderstood.

disappointment


Truthfully...

MK '12