It's been a while since I've had the time to write down some thoughts... Life has been rather crazy the past few months... I have been through so much... Good && Bad.. I must not complain.. Life has been good to me.. With that being said, I hope the readers of my blog, are doing well. As I wish you well through these days.
This entry will take a direction one may not think about often. I had a few thoughts as of late, that made me take some steps back, for the good though, as taking a few steps back to realize whats in front of you, can help you if you use those steps to move forward with happiness...
It's strange to think that we are at fault for something...
Usually as humans, we are trained to know about mistakes, but naturally it is easier for us to point the finger at someone else, to take the stress off of our day(s). But while doing this, we tend to forget how to fix the problem.
I have been faced with looking deep into my life to figure out what has caused me to do this as of late. For years, I have struggled with the fact of "being alone" for many reasons. Growing up the only child has molded this feeling for years. Friends and family have come and gone like leaves off of a tree. Im a dreamer and have always wanted a great family atmosphere, but I have never had such thing. My mother and her side of the family, is so dysfunctional that I havent heard a word from them in over 15 years. It goes to say that, my father has raised me yes, but his side of the family, as never embraced me as a part of the family for many reasons, which I know of, but still makes no sense. Over time, I have put myself in situations with my spouses in which I concentrate so much into time with them, that I forget about what they truly need and want. This has been a problem for many years. I have drove people away from me emotionally because of it. Most importantly this wasn't intentional at all, I couldn't even tell I was doing it.
It's like a habit, I tend to do this when they or I, least expect it. I try not to drive people away with it. But I have realized over time that the "Balance of Selfishness" is one of the most important things to learn in one's life. I have found over the years, that my situation is different from each and everyone of those people that have ever come into my life. All people have a different sense of time, and what they want to do with it.
Understanding this simple part of life, has been a struggle for me. As we all set expectations up for people over time, and we expect something back for what we give them, but we can easily forget that those expectations may be built too much on the side of what you want, instead of what they really desire. That is where the problem can occur.
It is important too balance Selfishness, because at the end of the day, if we are not a little selfish we would never grab what we desire, we wouldn't even know how to get there. Simply take a step back and realize what you need, what the person you love, needs, combine that with what you both desire, and make a place in the middle for the both of you. Friends, Family, Spouse, all included. People, setting expectations for people, so high, and not allowing them to attain it, because of what you desire, is not the right way of setting expectations for anyone, nevertheless yourself.
I have learned that allowing time too come, is so much better than chasing time.
Time will always be available for you and the people you love.
It is important for me to realize that no matter the situations I have been part of, if someone loves me, and wants to be with me, they will do just that. I try to crunch so much of my time into people because of what I have been through, and what I never had, and that isn't the right way of doing things.
But I have figured so much out. For this I'm grateful to understand that my time is only as good, as I make it for myself. Most of all, that the Balance of Selfishness, needs to be adressed at all times.
For the people, in my life.... Thank You.. For always being so understanding... I hope and wish that you know I love you with my ALL...
Truthfully,
Mike
Nov. 12'
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